"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation.

You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."
Dr. Adrian Rogers 1931-2005

Monday, January 27, 2014

I'd Look Down on Me Too

Amy Glass wrote an article titled I Look Down on Young Women with Husbands and Kids and I'm Not Sorry.   After reading her article, then reading a few more of her articles I have decided that if I were her, I would look down on me too.

In the world I have accomplished nothing.   I have not written any great works of literature.  I have never played a professional sport.  I have not sat in on any business meetings.   I doubt anyone even really knows me beyond my teeny tiny corner of the world.  I do not own any designer labels, have not traveled alone pretty much anywhere, and have not earned more than $40,000.00 in my entire life (and to be honest I believe that this number is a bit high).

I have no retirement.

My maiden name doesn't even sound like my name anymore.

I have accepted average in my life.  I married young, have no prenuptial agreement, and dutifully had four children, to which one is named after my husband and another after my father-in-law.  I cook practically every meal eaten in the home, and wash the same dishes day in and day out.

I guess for a moment I tried to see my life through her eyes.  I don't think I ever can.

You see, if for a moment, I did accomplish something that gave me world renown, that would be wonderful, for say, you know, my fifteen minutes of fame.  Realistically that must make sense.  The majority of us are average.  Aside from reality television most average folks won't make it beyond their small ponds.  And in death, the fame dissolves.

For me, I have more than world fame.   Although Ms. Glass does a  nice job of stereotyping homemakers, she misses the mark.   I have spent 25 years discovering me.  I liked me when I met my Bill, and from there I launched out and came to become more as the years passed.  I may not have backpacked in Asia, but I have lived in Germany, traveled in Europe, Mexico, as well as a good portion of the United States.  I may never have received a promotion, but I have met with governors, state legislatures, congressmen,  and even a cabinet secretary for George W. Bush.   As to landing a dream job, I cannot imagine having a job that grows with you, aside from the job I had.  While in my role as mother, I was able to become quite proficient in so many differing occupations that I doubt outside the home, I would have been able to pick just one for 'fulfillment.'

In my job, I am able to do what I want, when I want.  Because my job description was up to me to write, I wrote it in a way that benefited me.  My office is my home.  I have the corner office on the top floor of any business as my views from my workplace are stellar.  My rise to the top did come with long hours, and some nitty gritty times, as pretty much all jobs do, and if one wants to be the best at what they do, this is what is expected.  After the initial few 80 plus hour weeks for the first few years, the work schedule became easier and less was required of me in a sense.  More was required at the same time, as providing an environment where living, breathing, human beings develop is easy, but providing one that stimulates, educates, and illuminates is challenging.

I have never missed a holiday~ever.   Work never took me away from family.  My job never expected less of me, and in truth, the best was expected pretty much every day.

No one had to call me to pick up a sick child.  No one had to come to my home to clean, cook, or care for anyone in the family, so I was never burdened with ensuring employees were legal to work.

My job was and still is filled with moments that rattle my brain!  Seriously.  Watching a person develop to the point where they can speak is profound.

I do have serious expectations in my job.  I expect respect and I give it.

My job will not be one where many know me.  But my job does not end with my retirement either.  In my job, I see the impact beyond my capacity, and although I may never be in value to say a surgeon, four people will carry on where I left off.

For Amy Glass, I am sorry, even though she is not.   I am sorry that her worth as a woman is only defined by not having a family to crush her.  I am sorry because she has no idea that the children and husband actually can allow her to achieve her potential.  You see, the children grow up.  Really.  Funny how that is missed.  If you have your children when you are young, then in your mid 40s you are now allowed to watch, advise, and participate from a lesser role, and see your efforts of parenting come to fruition.  The proof is in the children.  I may not have awards, recognition, or even a massive network, but what I have is the legacy of being, all because I stayed home when it mattered the most.

My life will continue on beyond the time of a career, because I chose something that is so average that it is almost too hard to do.

I wish women could realize that a womb is not a curse.  I wish that women could see that nurturing another human being does not make one less worthy, or less valuable.  Back packing across Asia has nothing on granting the next generation the foundation to continue on.  My accomplishments are achieving accomplishments of their own and frankly, without me, none would be possible.

As to my title, I must conclude, that I am thankful that I am not Amy Glass, as I do not look down on young mothers that stay home with their children. 


Lisa Thayer said...

I haven't read Amy Glass' article, and probably never will. You are an inspiration to me and I would never think any less.

Rob said...

These days you are well above average.

Average is Amy Glass or a wannabe.

Who wants to be THAT kind of average?

Only an empty, bitter, person.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you 100%, and I applaud you for staying home and raising your children. They've definately turned into wonderful adults! I never could understand women who wanted what I've called luxuries in life so badly that they were willing to pay someone else to literally raise their children for them while they are working out of the home, just to be able buy those luxuries. I also was a stay at home mom, and I'm still a stay at home wife. I've watched my daughter stay home to raise her daughter in the same way, and it makes me proud!
I still enjoy your blog and check daily to see if you've posted.
~Pam in Louisiana~

kymber said...

my goodness...must you always be sooo humble?!?!?! you forgot to mention that time when you sang backup for Madonna on her blonde ambition tour!!!

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! my sweet friend - what you have accomplished in your life so far is nothing short of miraculous. i applaud the fact that, at your young age, you have successfully raised 4 contributing members of society...some of whom are already starting families themselves. and you will be there through their lives, and their children's lives, with a guiding hand full of experience and knowledge.

you and Bill somehow found each other and 2 became 1 - that is evident for all of the world to see!

when i think of all of the women i have met in my life - i have had none other than you that i have held up as the person i would most like to be. i have served in the military, i have served with other women, and i have had some seriously high-fallutin' jobs in the government working with, and under, women. none of them could lick the bottom of your shoes!

i didn't read the article..i don't want to, really...but since it caused you to write this post, i will read it. as to young mothers - they are the smartest women of all time! and, you, my dear, are the smartest one i have ever encountered.

please don't think my words are simply sunshine up your behind...i was 30 before i met my Bill and shortly afterwards, i met you. you showed me that to be a true and proper wife to the man that you loved entailed a pile of stuff that i knew very little about. please never forget that i would probably never have quit my job, learned to cook from scratch, learned to grow my own food, learned to make my own cleaning supplies, learned to wash laundry by hand and move to the middle of nowhere if it weren't for your example. you showed me how to be a true wife! and i have always thanked you for it!

you and Bill exceeded all expectations and raised those beautiful children through some very tough, and scary times. and you both shine brighter than ever for it! you have had waaay more important experiences and adventures than "back-packing through asia"!

YOU are everything that a woman should strive to be.

your friend,

Dizzy-Dick said...

Very well said. I am a man, but I respected my wife's position as a stay-at-home mom. We are both older now and I don't do too much work, but her job as a homemaker is never done. A great big thank you to all the stay-at-home moms out there!!

Humble wife said...

Lisa-well thank you. I do suggest having a read of her article ...it does give a window to a view that seems so different.

Pam thank you for the kindness and inspiration. I too will remain a stay home wife even though the children are now adults as my home is my office/work and I cherish each day here.

Rob-well thank you. I have a good deal of sadness for Ms Glass. I really pray that she has a chance to see things from the other side.

My dear Kymber-your comment is incredible. I have been working on a little to do for you since last month and can only say, your words are touching and precious and I do cherish your kindness and friendship. Hugs to your handsome cutie pie from NM.

Dizzy I can tell you that your close is powerful and something we should be shouting from the rooftops. I am happy to read that your wife and you enjoyed the way that I enjoy so much. Of course a homemaker is busy daily but so is her husband as he is the first line of home security defense. He provides her with the comforts to continue on and to feel protected while there. Of course anyone can feel safe alone but when there are two...you are stronger than one!

Wyse Acres said...

Wow, I read the article, and can honestly say that I am not a fan! You are right, I feel sorry for her! I was a stay at home Mom to my two daughters for as long as I could. I did not measure my success by the worlds standards. I knew that the true rewards would come from raising kind, loving and responsible people. My marital circumstances changed, and I went out into the workplace. Being a working single parent was a real tough role. Needs were compromised, and I knew to what extent because previously I had been able to be there.
Let's face it, Amy Glass is clueless about real accomplishments. Parenting makes Backpacking through Asia look like a walk in the park on a warm sunny day. Sadly, she does not get or see the amazing opportunities that being a Mom can bring to your life. Forever grateful that while I could be, I was a stay at home Mom!

Marica said...

Ms Glass is certainly free to hold whatever views her little brain can come up with. But. She's gonna be mighty lonely as time moves on. Poor dear.

You, on the other hand, will be loved until the day ... . Well, I was going to say "day you die" but that's not quite right, now is it? You'll be loved forever!

Mystic Mud said...

You and I have already talked about this, so you know *most* of my thoughts on this issue. I only say most because, really, I could still go on about it because it is so near and dear to my heart, but.....

I read the Amy glass piece, and honestly, it wasn't even well written. It came across as just hostile and with direct intent to provoke. She didn't even really explain herself. She just, in a lame way, attacked with a few key ideas and thoughts. I was...disappointed in it really. If you're going to say something....at least say it WELL.

Anyway, your life is beautiful to me, and you HAVE accomplished SO MUCH. Look at where you have been, to nothing and back again. In many way, that beats the heck out of Europe!

I'm going to call you today...which I've meant to do all week, but seriously, today IAM CALLING YOU!

Humble wife said...

Wyse-you hit the nail on the head!Amy Glass is clueless on life. BTW I know many a great mother that works both in and out of the home. Ms Glass misunderstands why many choose to grant the children with mom at home~as she assumes Mom loses something~sad.

Marica-that is my most sad thought for her. Solitude is one thing but longing and loneliness is something else. When one has time to reflect upon life, much of the reflections are based on interactions and relationships far more than material things. As to until death~spot on and amen!

Michele~Without ever reading a word you have written one could understand your thoughts just with the photos of your life! You have that beauty as well~ :)

kelly@thehungryegghead said...

This is my first time commenting on your site though I have read many of your posts.

I think the hardest job in the world is being a mom. Full of sacrifice. I say that as someone who does not have kids. Bravo for raising your goof troop, they seem like great people. It says a lot for the parents and grown kids who love to spend time with each other. So many don't nowadays.

The only thing I agreed with the Amy Glass article is that you cannot have it all. I don't like the media telling everyone that you can have a hotshot career, be a superstar wife and a rockstar mom. There are not enough hours in a day no matter what sort of balancing act one does.

Humble wife said...

Kelly-Thanks for your first comment. I do appreciate your words and I do agree, the spin told that one can have it all is incorrect. Somewhere, somehow, something has to give, and it usually is the homefront.

Thank you again!