"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation.

You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."
Dr. Adrian Rogers 1931-2005

Friday, August 2, 2013

About the Yesteryear Newlyweds

Although it really does seem like Bill and I married just a bit ago, in truth 25 years have flown by...wow!  Today I am going to share several things about us as we approach our Silver Anniversary. 

1.  We were both 20 when we met.   I turned 21 before we married.  Bill turned 21 a few months after the wedding. 

My thoughts about getting married young~let's see,  I strongly recommend this.  Marriages fail all the time and age is not the sole factor.  I must say growing and maturing as a couple has been pretty neat and the crazy thing is that by October our 4 kiddos will all be 18 and up.   I think I will expand on this topic in a separate post in the near future because there are millions of reasons marriages fail and but a few why it succeeds.  Age alone is not the key either way.

2.  Bill and I are from completely different parts of the country.   He is from the Southwest/west and I was from the Midwest.  

I chose to move west before I met Bill.  This was not a drastic change or hardship but something thrilling and exciting for a girl from the flatlands!  The moment I saw the Rockies I was hooked.  The bonus was sunshine almost all the time.  I never realized how much I missed seeing the sun for six or seven months of the year until I was able to see it all year!

3. Although from different parts of the country,  we had several things in common and I know that these things are things that allowed for us to be so compatible. 

He was from a small town~well actually he lived outside the town a bit.  This is the same for me.   He comes from a large family and so did I.   Neither of us really were brought up in any particular faith and instead were raised with common morals and values.  Neither of us are an oldest child or youngest child.

4.  Bill and I actually told those around us that we were going to wait five years before we began having children!  

Discussing things like children, finances, and occupations etc are very important before a couple gets married.  Bill and I did not really talk much about anything aside from us~and the whirlwind that comes with being in love.  For the record, neither of us were against children.  Our oldest was born 10 months after we were married...just so you can smile 25 years later!!!

5.  Bill and I are not a couple that you would forget if you met us in person.  I am not suggesting that we have magnetic personalities or anything like that.  You would not forget us because to those meeting us for the first time you would take note of something pretty different about us.   He is truly tall to my short.  He is a good 15 inches taller than me.  Yep...when he is sitting we are far closer in height if I am standing.  

The way I tell the story now for dramatic effect is that I married for height not money.  Now to my readers I must tell you that this is so far from the truth.  I decided to marry Bill from the moment I saw him.   He took my breath away.  No kidding!  I knew in that moment he was mine and boy I am ever so glad that he is.  Now for the kiddos my children without Bill may have been a bit on the shorter end of the height spectrum but with Bill the boys are all 5'10 and my cutie pie Fourth~she is about 5'4". 

6.  I was raised in the generation of a woman bringing home the bacon and fry it up in a pan (this link has the video of this commercial halfway down page).   In spite of this, when we had our first Bill and I decided to split the work...he would cover anything outside the home and I would care for the home and children.  The decision happened in a flash after we had our oldest cared for one afternoon and the care shocked us.  

I can tell you in no uncertain terms that staying home and being a homemaker has been an area that I have been most attacked.  I have been called a mousewife, a doormat, and even have been asked don't I want more, implying that this role is something less than noble or important.  This decision made Bill and I totally reliant on one income.   This has proven to be a saving grace for us in recent years as the adaptation to less was just kicking up what we had already been doing.  

I will not try and cross and offend anyone here.   I appreciate that many women must work as they are the sole breadwinner in the family.   It took me several years to appreciate or let's say reprogram my own thoughts on being a housewife after being raised in a modern woman attitude of the 70's and 80's.  That said...forgetting all about the money or wages earned or the cost of a woman working needing two vehicles, wardrobe etc...being home gave me something I could not put a price on today.   Being home raising my children allowed ME to be the person that saw each child's first steps.  It was me that heard each child's first words.  It was me and the values Bill and I wished for our children that was placed in front of the children and not a caregivers values or wishes.  I watched precious moments of each of my Little's lives.  I saw love and kindness between the siblings and was able to guide and correct behavior that wasn't wished for.   I had my goofs on a schedule that did not require constant to and froing .  Before we made the decision to homeschool, we were homeschooling.  I realized with my kids I had a captive audience and took every moment as time to enlighten and educate them.  Now to what I look back and realize...this is the advantage of a primary caregiver.  I am ever so thankful that I had these years to be at home and be the one to influence my own children.

7.  We hold hands...after all these years when we go somewhere we still hold hands.  When we drive, we hold hands.   We hug each other when we part, and hug each other when we return.   When we walk about the property we hold hands...although for me this is more as a safety mechanism.  If I see a snake I want to climb a tree or something and here in the desert, Bill is pretty much the tallest tree around!!  


Marriage is more than a contract, or a bedroom convenience.  Marriage is more than having children and raising them.  Marriage is about two people becoming one.  Marriage is about a daily commitment to the other person above all others besides God.  Marriage is about ensuring the needs are met of your spouse and they will ensure your needs are met.   Conversing daily about everything and anything under the sun makes a marriage strong.   Learning new hobbies or at least sitting together while reading unites the bonds.  Your marriage is something that should be raised above all else in your life.  Sometimes it is hard to do so but even a small gesture each day to maintain your commitment can be done.  I will say with no amount of shame or pride that I am not a perfect wife.  I have had bad days/weeks/months etc.  Bill is not a perfect husband.  We do not even think about marriage that way.  Oh before I forget as I know as Bill reads that he is not the perfect husband he has said 'WHAT? in humor.   I grin with your what , Bill.  You are perfect for me~hope that helps :)!

8.  We have never owned a new car.   Never. 

To even maintain the challenges and struggles the world adds to a marriage why add unnecessary debt that holds you down?  Cars are one area that you can buy used and end up with a pretty amazing vehicle.  I remember in Germany buying an Opel that seemed to be the car for the newest arrivals and as soon as you could you upped to a newer used car and sold the Opel to the next family.  We are a Ford family and although we have had other makes and models over the years I prefer Ford.  Between the kids and us we have 3 Ford vehicles.

9.  Although we love our extended families, we really worked hard at establishing and maintaining our own family~even when it was just Bill and I. 

We did attend holiday events at other members homes but for the most part we established the traditions for us.  I will totally respect the kids when they establish this with their spouses.  Bill and I have a goal of one meal a month with all the kids that can get off work and we will have a large gathering in November so we afford them the same chance that we had to really become a family independent.

10.  Do you want to know how much money we have spent over the past 25 years raising four children and living?   Many people are guarded with personal and business information and believe me...I usually am.  But for today to wrap up these ten things about Bill and I ....privacy is off.  Scroll down and I will share the numbers as I have kept our checkbooks and banking in careful order.











We have spent~




over~~




the past 25 years














you ready???




Seriously?  You kept scrolling down?  I guess I better tell you right now then.  We have spent everything we made over the years.  Does that surprise you?

To those with beautiful planned out retirements with huge savings...I pray you appreciate we too had these plans and then Sometimes Things Happen. 

6 comments:

kymber said...

ugh. cutting onions. can barely read.

Jen - my goodness i love reading about your marriage. it re-affirms everything i believe about what marriage is, and what it should be. it was an honour when i first met you and found out your beliefs about marriage, children, homeschooling, etc. i, too, didn't find my true me until i became a housewife. i love being a housewife. we don't have children (keep your fingers crossed for someday!), but once we decided that we were together for life and i left my job - i loved being at home making hubby's lunches, ironing his work clothes, having supper ready for him when he got home. we, too, go for walks around our land and down to the river and hold hands always. and we do the hug when you leave and when you return. we hug even when he's just going to the basement to get something - bahahahahah!

i have had the incredible fortune of meeting you years ago, listening to you, learning from you and finding myself. i can't wait for more of these beautiful and poignant posts. you are a real example to follow. thank you so much!

lots of love to you, Bill and the DN crew! your friend,
kymber
(p.s. - oh i just can't wait until you get grandchildren!)

Anonymous said...

I love your blog and so agree with you about the importance of having a mom home. I recently met a woman, that had gone to college and majored in business. She hated it. She said she did it because it was the"thing" to do in the 70's. Now she is working with small children and so happy. She hated the whole business thing. She recently wrote an article about why she hates Gloria Stinem. It is about all the lives and women that were changed because of her writings. For thousands of years it was the woman's job to take care of her family. It is certainly how I have lived and am happy about that choice. I hope young women are more free to make that choice about marriage and family, without judgement now. Thank you for sharing.

Humble wife said...

Kymber~~awwwww how nice of a comment. You are so very sweet and I love how kind you are. I pray that my marriage and my way I share about it are sincere and realistic. We are so very normal and who we are is exactly what I share.

Btw-I love that you found who you were too...love love love you both!

Anonymous~Thank you so much for your comment. I not only see the home as a job but a divine role that we have as women and as men. I am thankful for your visit!

Mrs.Rabe said...

Jen,

This is great and I find myself in such agreement with you!

We celebrated 25 years in January. Our marriage goal is to glorify God with our lives together, and to raise our children for His glory too.

God bless you and your family!

Deanna

Anonymous said...

I tried to e-mail you on your e-mail account at yahoo, it all came back???????? Congrats on 25 years, I could be your mother if you were born in 1967? and your hubs too, I was all of 19 then & my hubs nearing 20! I read and got a big smile on my face with your blog today, 1967 women were expected to get married I did not, never got married until 26 and my hubs 26 going on 27..we did not have our only child until I was nearly 30 and my hubs was 30..only one, I had a difficult childhood losing my Mom early and living in foster homes with horrible people save one couple not the same religion so we were taken away, went to my Grandmothers and she only lived a short while that was it for my immediate family! My hubs the oldest of a second family lots of kids no dad around, so he had to grow up fast and parent his brat siblings, no one speaks now their Mom who I thought was very difficult passed..I love your blog, you sound sweet and your hubs too..real values and real marriage and a for real human being..We don't drink in our home, smoking or anything funny, why do that? we cannot get over the fact my sister in law and brother in law both have horrible health problems must be all the cigarettes, wine and beer they consumed for most of their lives? Our only is health and happy and will be 36 at the end of the year, she tries to be bossy but we won't let her be that way, she is intelligent, happy and sweet, still single and happy about that, she is fussy and wants a fellow like her Daddy..kind and gentle, she is an only so responsible and sweet.HAPPY 25TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY AND MANY MANY MORE DAYS OF JOY, PEACE AND LOVE, GOD'S BLESSINGS TOO!ciaoX()X()X()()XXXX

Humble wife said...

Deanna- 2013 is an amazing year isn't it? Yes our marriage is a blessing and we strive to allow Him to shine through it. Are we perfect in this? Of course not, but we are most certainly making an effort to allow it to be what it can be by placing God first in all.


Awww Anonymous...God is so powerful that through Him a broken childhood can yield an incredible adult. Through Him a feeble crumbling foundation can be shored up and be ever so solid. In all things we are because of our Lord and Saviour. I thank you so much for your sweet comment and happy to read of your only being the light of a good home with godly parents. I have no idea why something would be returned. On the email it is penofjen at yahoo dot com. Please insert @ for at and . for dot as I put it up this way to minimize spam in my email. Perhaps this is why it was returned. I look forward to your email. Jennifer